Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
