he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
