it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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