I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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