Soap is not a condiment
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
