seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I need moral support for this bender
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
