Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
