so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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