So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
