i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
