i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
