Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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