Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
