Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
