i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
