I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
