piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
