After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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