Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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