Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
