saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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