My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
