He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This is classic penis vs brain.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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