i just had sex bonerless
where does the pee come out of this thing
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
