the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
