Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
