dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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