How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
