i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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