Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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