capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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