I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
