I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
