what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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