in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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