Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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