Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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