I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she looked like the before picture.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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