4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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