I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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