I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
