At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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