Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize