So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
