I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
