I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
