can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
