oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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