we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
