K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
