when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
