and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Found your dick twin last night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
