NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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