Are my feet made of real feet?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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