mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
not ubering you a puppy
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