Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
