I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
