Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Quick, to the slutcave!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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