I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
