I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
