Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.

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(909): View more from California

if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids

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(541): View more from Oregon

You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.

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(716): View more from New York

There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.

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(819): View more from Quebec

Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.

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(253): View more from Washington

I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.

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