A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize