can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
