all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
