hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
