so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
