I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
