And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Your penis caused this!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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