he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
